fjkhskjfhs rantttt.

so i begun a month of self-control, of one thing really: to prove a point, let things go their own way without me being a faulty part to it, to just move on and try to be happy. i don’t know, it’s confusing, but i want it to last until the thirty-first of march. i’m on day three so yay? i didn’t sleep at all last night. i’ll regret it in two hours or so. i watched The Basketball Diaries and Powder Blue. great movies man. i didn’t study for my exam because of this. this laziness needs to stop. shit. i want to do so much: get my permit, license and then, eventually, a car.i want to just get the fuck out. joy ride it til six states away, with a friend who doesn’t piss me off and which i can have, and enjoy, a comfortable silence with. i want to learn how to swim. i want to start fencing. i want to pick up an instrument. preferably the flute again. i want to make my 0g ears to 00g. my mom would murder me if i did that. i want a haircut but i don’t want to because it’s grown so much in a year: three to four inches honestly. i want a tattoo and a job and a flat tummy. all i want is a healthy change. yesterday i felt amazing while writing my paper for my english class. all my thoughts just oozed out. i felt like a writer, even though i hate writing. guess it all depends what it is that i’m writing about. the way i wrote was so Charles Dickens-esque. i love it. i guess it’s true: “the more you read, the more you’ll start to mimic.” i have a presentation in five hours and i have no idea what it’s on. today is going to be a bad day.hopefully the night makes it all better.l4l

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